I will allow myself time to feel the sadness when it comes.
I will acknowledge the pain and the regret.
I will hold his memory in my heart.
I will breathe in and out. In and out.
I will allow myself to smile.
I will acknowledge that laughter in not a betrayal.
I will take time to enjoy the way the sun feels on my face.
I will make sure to eat good food and drink lots of water.
I will allow myself a break when I am overwhelmed.
I will acknowledge my fear but I won’t let it consume me.
I will write. I’ll write for me and I’ll write for my brother. I will write so that I don’t forget–so that the things we went through together will not be lost. I will write so that my son can read about his mom when he’s older. I will write so that he can better understand my quirks and fears, so that he can know how hard I try to break the cycle I was born into. I will write not only to honor and remember my brother, but also to honor and help the living and yet-to-be-born.
I will remember.